Singlehood is easily celebrated in youth but greeted with concern at family gatherings as one approaches their 30’s. The immense social pressure to find a partner of a lifetime by a certain time is unnecessary and unjustified, and those who incessantly seek answers from you cannot accept that you can be 30, single and… Very happy!
Assumptions about singlehood
Bella DePaulo, a social scientist and author of “Singled Out,” has dedicated most of her career to studying singles since the late 1990s. She coined the phrase “singlism” to describe the ways in which people discriminate against singles. Singles are assumed to be miserable, lonely, selfish, and fundamentally unlovable.
If they’re advancing well in their careers, it’s because “they don’t have a family to get to and all of their time and energy can be spent on work”. Singles may even experience discriminatory practises at work and are pressured to work the longer hours in place of their married coworkers since “they have nowhere to get to”.
How to manage societal pressure
People are single for many reasons. Some are by choice, and others may be struggling to find compatible partners. Regardless, you must first acknowledge where the pressure is coming from.
If the pressure is external where you’re completely fine being your own person and yet people can’t seem to respect your decision, you may find empowerment in choosing to be around those like you. Intentionally surrounding yourself with like-minded people is a great way to find support.
They’re also a good way to be comfortable in your own skin without feeling others are judging you. These environments also promote privacy, social and recreational activities and are free of unwarranted “Why are you single?” questions.
But first, self love!
For those who aren’t single by choice, you need to first be proud of yourself for not settling. The security you find in singlehood is powerful and will better prepare you for an emotionally healthy relationship.
Instagram is a really inaccurate representation of what relationships truly entail. Instead of hoping on those perceived ideals, use the time to find your individuality, invest in your interests and to find new ones. You’ll find that being secure in singlehood is the best thing you can do for yourself and your future partner!
We don't do this very often but...
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